and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
