my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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