What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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