And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
