Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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