I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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