Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
