I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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