4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
