Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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