Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
