Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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