had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
