This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
