Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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