I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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