Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
