You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
