Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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