i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
