Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
