Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
