Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Two words: blizzard sex
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
