She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
