Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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