You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
