the day after is always just damage control
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
