You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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