I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
