it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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