walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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