I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
