I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
