Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
sex in a hospital.. check
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
