he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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