Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
