lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
