areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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