no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
