That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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