She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
