just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
