We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
