if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
