If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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