went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
