it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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