apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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