I hate your face
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
