Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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