sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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