Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
