it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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